John, honestly, I think you are going out on dates for all the wrong reasons, and women pick up on that.

Taking a bunch of friends out to dinner is fine, taking a stranger out once to size them up for marriage is something quite different.  All you do is scare 'em away.

Try just being friends with these women you date, and not worry about if you see them again.  Put them at ease with you, and simply ask them to be friends.  Them only wanting a free lunch is their personal problem.

The good ones will respect that an respond in a positive way... then just be friends... if a relationship is supposed to happen, it will, but it will not be apparent on a first date, even if you do seem to have "chemistry" or whatever that means.

Otherwise remember there are a lot of creepy people out there and women kinda have to be careful about who they see.  And if a woman doesn't want to see you or date again, then take that as a sign that she is not compatible... and don't worry about why, because it will be different for every one, and you'll drive yourself crazy trying to guess each time.

Now... the trick is... can I take my own advice?